Holiday Flashbacks and Panic Attacks

I come home from class in Raleigh.  I'm tired, and when I walk in the door there is my spouse holding my bathrobe. "Put this on."  It isn't a request.  I ask what's happening. Apparently I am being recruited into one of his childhood Christmas memories, no matter that we haven't discussed it or that … Continue reading Holiday Flashbacks and Panic Attacks

Disappointing Pharmaceuticals, Nightmares and Another Missed Run

I send a volley of emails back and forth with the concussion specialist that amounts to; "I can't do this anymore.  Please prescribe all the drugs, I am desperate."  He doubles the Prozosin that's supposed to help with the nightmares.  I take my new dose--and Advil for the headache I have most of the time … Continue reading Disappointing Pharmaceuticals, Nightmares and Another Missed Run

Psych Meds, Sleeplessness and Existential Dread

It's Saturday night and I am alone.  All I can think of is how much I miss him.  I don't feel well.  I do the only thing that will keep my attention; I write for hours.  Finally I've filled some ten plus pages of paper and it's just late enough for sleep and I want … Continue reading Psych Meds, Sleeplessness and Existential Dread

Friday Night: Bath Time and Benzodiazepines

It's Friday night, and I walk away from my evening class alone, with no plans.  I am exhausted and frustrated to need to drive before I can rest.  I don't want to cook for myself; I'm too tired.  I don't want to drive; it's stressful. I walk across Greensboro St and get pizza from the … Continue reading Friday Night: Bath Time and Benzodiazepines