I dream that I am standing in Kevin's kitchen. He's upset, bitterly ranting about how bad things have been for him since I last saw him. I feel his pain and go to him, tell him I'm sorry, hold out my arms. He comes to me; I hold him tenderly. That dream haunts me for … Continue reading Nightmares and Intrusive Thoughts, EMDR and Rage
There was a little nagging feeling when I first met him. I wasn't sure quite what it meant, except yes I was. It was the sense of a man who wants something I don't want to give him. It was the feeling given off by the man who raped me in New York. It was … Continue reading Vulnerability, Boundaries and My Totally Rational Fear of Men
It's Tuesday. I'm finally going to talk with Kevin* an entire week after this started. I can think of nothing else all day. Though I do work at the computer, I stop and cry several times. I keep getting confused mid-task, and I'm terrified I'm going to make a mistake. Finally I finish the time-sensitive … Continue reading Getting To Yes/Hold Me Tight
What is it, then, that makes me hyper-vigilant with a hug from Scott or a smile from the guy in the grocery store? What makes me shudder when I get a stray...