(...continued from previous) Home. I lose it. I sob bitterly, openly, occasionally swiping the tears from my cheeks. I scan the crowds wishing for a friendly face. A woman standing alone makes eye contact. We look directly at each other as I approach. Her face is full of empathy and she nods at me as … Continue reading Love Rushes In/A Victory Lap (2/2)
It's a sunny Wednesday morning in Durham and I'm teaching in the studio. A few of my students are friends who've made. a particular point to come and see me before I leave for the race. I've known almost everyone for years now, except for the one new person. I'm walking between mats when there's … Continue reading Grace Inside Chaos When The Ground Shakes
I’ve barely danced since my wedding. When my spouse came back from deployment I found this salsa night I really wanted to go to. I asked over and over again, couldn't we go salsa dancing? He never would--though he'd later leave while I was sleeping to dance at Legends. I don't care so much about … Continue reading The Allure and Danger of Following; Finally, I Danced
content warning: suicidal ideation I am getting a massage. My bank account balance is so low I've transferred money out of savings for this because my body feels horribly dysregulated and I can't fix it myself. All the post-concussive symptoms are back in full force--the nausea and dizziness, the light sensitivity, the eye strain and … Continue reading A Healing Relationship: Bodywork as Resuscitation
It is Sunday morning, the day I was supposed to attend an event with Kevin*. We've been talking about it for over a month. We haven’t spoken in almost a week--a week of panic and grief, confusion and anger. A week of troubled sleep and half-eaten food that tastes like dirt. Christian is meeting me … Continue reading Sanctuary; Where Is My Safe Place to Fall?
I'm ready to fall asleep and he is not, so I lie down with an eye mask and close my eyes. I drift off for a while and then I hear the running shower. I drift off again, and this time he's coming to check on me. I'm tired and I groan. He teases me … Continue reading Attachment Trauma, Misattunement, and a Sleepless Night
I've been invited to audit a workshop on boundary setting for entrepreneurs that involves equine assisted therapy. It sounds fascinating. Working with animals often helps trauma survivors like me--those of us with massive attachment trauma often feel safer with animals. Also I haven't seen a horse up close in a long time, so I drive … Continue reading Safari: A Quest for Love and Connection