My Abuser’s Birthday; Accepting That I Am Changed Forever

I have nightmares that I'm with my abuser again.  I know that I'm not safe.  I want out.  I can't find my wedding ring.  I wail over my sick cat, begging her not to die.  I hold her to me, her fur soft against my face.  I feel the familiar contour of her little head … Continue reading My Abuser’s Birthday; Accepting That I Am Changed Forever

A Changing Mien, Conflicting Emotions and Flashbacks

I'm near the end of a six mile easy run.  The sun has set and I'm trusting the ground I can't see as I run through Durham. I wondered days ago with a friend if my abuser had left town.  It would be a big relief to know I was unlikely to encounter that person … Continue reading A Changing Mien, Conflicting Emotions and Flashbacks

Safari: A Quest for Love and Connection

I've been invited to audit a workshop on boundary setting for entrepreneurs that involves equine assisted therapy.  It sounds fascinating.  Working with animals often helps trauma survivors like me--those of us with massive attachment trauma often feel safer with animals.  Also I haven't seen a horse up close in a long time, so I drive … Continue reading Safari: A Quest for Love and Connection

PTSD, Yoga, and Why I Hate the F*cking Gong

I'm in the studio with friends, colleagues, and a photographer for a photo shoot.  When I walk to the front of the room to teach my segment, it feels odd transitioning from student to teacher.  Before long I settle into my own teaching rhythm and get everyone rolling around on the floor, preparing to rest. … Continue reading PTSD, Yoga, and Why I Hate the F*cking Gong

Healing In Community

I remember teaching that class, lying on the hospital floor with my students, noting with growing alarm while cueing them to observe the sensations in their bodies that my own body was clenching and that I couldn't stop it.  I began to panic.  I wasn't ready to talk about it.  I asked them to lie on their bellies with their foreheads on their hands--a position I'd always noticed this particular class loved.  I told them I would be silent for about a minute.  I struggled not to cry...