Vulnerability, Boundaries and My Totally Rational Fear of Men

There was a little nagging feeling when I first met him.  I wasn't sure quite what it meant, except yes I was.  It was the sense of a man who wants something I don't want to give him.  It was the feeling given off by the man who raped me in New York.  It was … Continue reading Vulnerability, Boundaries and My Totally Rational Fear of Men

An Unusual Apology from Darth Vader

All I have with me are my purse and the clothes I'm wearing.  I open the Prazosin and take one, then crawl into bed beneath a tapestry of woodland creatures. When I wake it is early morning, before my alarm.  There is a sense of increased well-being waking up in Margy's home.  I have indeed … Continue reading An Unusual Apology from Darth Vader

Attachment Trauma, Misattunement, and a Sleepless Night

I'm ready to fall asleep and he is not, so I lie down with an eye mask and close my eyes.  I drift off for a while and then I hear the running shower.  I drift off again, and this time he's coming to check on me.  I'm tired and I groan.  He teases me … Continue reading Attachment Trauma, Misattunement, and a Sleepless Night

Anxious Attachment and Failure to Communicate

I keep feeling this sense of unease, and I've been judging myself for it.  Anxious attachment, I notice when Kevin* pulls away slightly in bed and I grow distraught.  Or when he isn't holding my hand quite as much as I think he did last week.  Or when I think he's giving me just a … Continue reading Anxious Attachment and Failure to Communicate