Easy EMDR; The Edge Of Attachment Anxiety

It's been weeks in therapy where we mostly just talk like normal people who like each other except that we focus fairly exclusively on me.  "What do you still need from this?" Lisa asks me, "What would you like to focus on?" We've processed with very little complication my reaction to the Durham explosion, the … Continue reading Easy EMDR; The Edge Of Attachment Anxiety

Grace Inside Chaos When The Ground Shakes

It's a sunny Wednesday morning in Durham and I'm teaching in the studio.  A few of my students are friends who've made. a particular point to come and see me before I leave for the race.  I've known almost everyone for years now, except for the one new person.  I'm walking between mats when there's … Continue reading Grace Inside Chaos When The Ground Shakes

1 Km Repeats and What Made Me Choose Life

content warning: suicidal ideation First I don't want to get out of bed at all--again, and I lay there for a long while, willing my breath to slow.  Eventually I get my running clothes on, make it to the track and struggle through my workout; 8 1 km repeats at threshold pace.  Long speedwork takes … Continue reading 1 Km Repeats and What Made Me Choose Life

Sensational, Asinine Things Like “Blossom Your Heart Open”

Usually I wake a few times at night, blankets askew, irritated.  I've either had a really troubling nightmare or heard some bump in the night; likely both.  So I lay there, exhausted, frustrated, needing and wanting sleep that doesn't come.  Eventually the alarm goes off and I rise, grudging.  Some time later I'll unroll my … Continue reading Sensational, Asinine Things Like “Blossom Your Heart Open”

Healing and Unconditional Positive Regard

On Saturday morning I wake from disturbing dreams: of my abuser coming after me--and of my cat purring in my arms while I rub my face against her silky neck and say to my friend "I know she's died, but she feels real."  Of course, Kira did die and I'm awake only a few moments … Continue reading Healing and Unconditional Positive Regard