Hill Repeats, Friendship and the Pain of Parting

I figured I'd struggle to hold it together when I had to say goodbye to Trow.  My training partner, a fighter pilot, deployed to Saudi Arabia shortly after I returned from Boston.  I was still recovering and we went for one last run on a weekday morning.  We met really early at the Carolina North … Continue reading Hill Repeats, Friendship and the Pain of Parting

Morning Light and Life With Imperfections

I wake with a start to the soft sound of trumpets; my phone plays training montage music from the Rocky soundtrack.  I smile a little in the darkness, groggily throw off the covers and cross the room to silence my alarm.  I pull the curtains from my window and blink at the early dawn light … Continue reading Morning Light and Life With Imperfections

My Abuser’s Birthday; Accepting That I Am Changed Forever

I have nightmares that I'm with my abuser again.  I know that I'm not safe.  I want out.  I can't find my wedding ring.  I wail over my sick cat, begging her not to die.  I hold her to me, her fur soft against my face.  I feel the familiar contour of her little head … Continue reading My Abuser’s Birthday; Accepting That I Am Changed Forever

1 Km Repeats and What Made Me Choose Life

content warning: suicidal ideation First I don't want to get out of bed at all--again, and I lay there for a long while, willing my breath to slow.  Eventually I get my running clothes on, make it to the track and struggle through my workout; 8 1 km repeats at threshold pace.  Long speedwork takes … Continue reading 1 Km Repeats and What Made Me Choose Life

1000m Repeats and Accepting Responsibility

I'm at the track again after another night of crap sleep; for the last month or so I wake myself repeatedly choking in my sleep.  As I warm up, I worry.  I'm gonna have to keep it together for 1000m repeats and I'm not feeling confident at all.  I'm exhausted.  I'm sad.  My grief over … Continue reading 1000m Repeats and Accepting Responsibility

Boston Buddies: Getting By With A Lot Of Help From New Friends

During another shit day I'm barely surviving I remember how if I'm running Boston I'd better figure out how to get myself there.  It's been months of slow, disappointing training runs after I seemed to be doing so well.  I remember squealing jubilantly in the morning as I got my confirmation from BAA that my … Continue reading Boston Buddies: Getting By With A Lot Of Help From New Friends

Five Minutes

I hit the trail as the sun is setting; with the entire wood seemingly to myself, I push my toes aggressively into the dirt as I walk.  I do not limp.  I pick up pace.  I feel the toes of my right foot a little tighter, a little weaker, but they comply.  The remaining sunlight...