content warning: sex work, rape, weapons I wake to the soft sound of horns; the London Philharmonic plays the theme from Chariots of Fire from my phone. It's 5:30 Saturday morning. I'm tired, I'm alone, and I'm sad. I lay still for a moment, a hand to my heart and a hand to my belly--trying … Continue reading As Sick As My Secrets, Loving Kindness and Homecoming (1/2)
The flag fluttering against the June sky unexpectedly takes my breath away, its stripes of white and pink and baby blue at once a promise of liberation and a trauma trigger. I feel brief shame that a symbol of hope for people who very much need and deserve hope has provoked me. I remind myself … Continue reading The Price of Other People’s Secrets; Trans Pride and Trauma
content warning: domestic violence, weapons I’m charging down the American Tobacco Trail when the apprehension hits. My mind is swirling with the stories of women I’ve seen posted to social media as a rash of abortion bans has inflamed the nation. A procession of small children approaches on the trail. I move around them into the … Continue reading A Barrage of Flashbacks–and Pendulation
We talked on Friday and didn’t begin speaking for a long time. As he held me in his arms, as I took in his heartbeat and the scent of his skin and my own sense of homecoming, I let go of so many words I’d thought of to say. I finally offered simply, “I was … Continue reading Sprinting, Self-Care and the Myth of Mara
"Regular dreams or PTSD nightmares?" And then I burst into tears. I don't even know what regular dreams would be like. Maybe some of my dreams are regular dreams--but they still terrify me. I dream that I'm in a shower stall...