With Dreams And Elation I’m On My Way

I take a day completely off; no work, no engagements, my only plan to leave the house at all is my short morning run.  I turn off my alarms and wake when I feel like it.  The rain pours down as I run through Durham one last time. I spend hours in the afternoon checking … Continue reading With Dreams And Elation I’m On My Way

The Allure and Danger of Following; Finally, I Danced

I’ve barely danced since my wedding.  When my spouse came back from deployment I found this salsa night I really wanted to go to.  I asked over and over again, couldn't we go salsa dancing?  He never would--though he'd later leave while I was sleeping to dance at Legends.  I don't care so much about … Continue reading The Allure and Danger of Following; Finally, I Danced

Compassion, Trust and My Work In The World

I'm tired and unhappy when I arrive but one of my students is waiting for me; I feel better when I see her.  While I'm checking in my class, another student I haven't seen in months appears at the doorway.  Delighted, I come out from behind the desk to hug her.  While I check her … Continue reading Compassion, Trust and My Work In The World

Repetition Compulsion and the Heart’s Quest for Home

Last year around this time I was at the tail end of a brief relationship with my old favorite training partner.  I wasn't even a year out from leaving my abuser, I hadn't been dating; I was terrified of male attention.  Scott and I had known each other for years.  We ran together all the … Continue reading Repetition Compulsion and the Heart’s Quest for Home

The Barometric Pressure of Unresolved Trauma (2/2)

(...continued) content warning: suicidal ideation I love Kevin*.  I think he is a miracle, but he is treating me like I don't matter and our relationship isn't worth the effort--and I am letting him.  I kneel on the floor and re-read our text exchange from yesterday for maybe the thousandth time.  I begin to type … Continue reading The Barometric Pressure of Unresolved Trauma (2/2)

Approaching peril, do I trust my feet?

As I prepare to leave in the semi-dark, my friend continues to sleep in the other room.  I strap on my running watch and consider whether to conceal my stun gun, just in case.  He doesn't even wake up this early, I remind myself.  He doesn't know where I'm staying now or which trail I'm … Continue reading Approaching peril, do I trust my feet?