With Dreams And Elation I’m On My Way

I take a day completely off; no work, no engagements, my only plan to leave the house at all is my short morning run.  I turn off my alarms and wake when I feel like it.  The rain pours down as I run through Durham one last time. I spend hours in the afternoon checking … Continue reading With Dreams And Elation I’m On My Way

Grace Inside Chaos When The Ground Shakes

It's a sunny Wednesday morning in Durham and I'm teaching in the studio.  A few of my students are friends who've made. a particular point to come and see me before I leave for the race.  I've known almost everyone for years now, except for the one new person.  I'm walking between mats when there's … Continue reading Grace Inside Chaos When The Ground Shakes

First Snowfall Flashbacks and the Warmth of Belonging

I wake in the early morning and see it right away; a heavy dusting of snow outside through the small window where I didn't draw the shade.  I shrink as though seeing a ghost, my heart pounds.  My breath catches and I am afraid.  I cover my head with a pillow and pull my weighted … Continue reading First Snowfall Flashbacks and the Warmth of Belonging

A Healing Relationship: Music and Community (1/3)

content warning: suicidal ideation I arrive at ERUUF early for my final pre-membership classes.  The sky is dull and gray like my mood.  Inside the door is a stand of name tags; my eyes immediately find Kevin's name.  My lips press tightly together and I stop breathing.  Holy shit, I miss him.  I stand there … Continue reading A Healing Relationship: Music and Community (1/3)

Psych Meds, Sleeplessness and Existential Dread

It's Saturday night and I am alone.  All I can think of is how much I miss him.  I don't feel well.  I do the only thing that will keep my attention; I write for hours.  Finally I've filled some ten plus pages of paper and it's just late enough for sleep and I want … Continue reading Psych Meds, Sleeplessness and Existential Dread

Remarkable New Friends, A Sleepover, And Cannabinoids

I deliberated over the prescription question with a few trusted friends.  When I sat down with Marty, who is a nurse, we brainstormed about alternatives to psych drugs over brunch.  I reminded her that I already meditate daily, that my anxiety is beyond what I can slow down with mindfulness practices an alarming amount of … Continue reading Remarkable New Friends, A Sleepover, And Cannabinoids